2009 September | Confessions of a Canadian Stripper

Lindsay Lohan @ F1 Rocks in Singapore

Posted September 30th, 2009 by CG

Apparently, and this is just a rumor waiting to be confirmed, the leggy Beyonce and her  security team, walked into Lindsay Lohan’s dressing room and chased her out of it, something about her deserving the biggest and best dressing in the house at Fort Canning, Singapore where Lohan was hosting the F1 Rocks event.

No word if Lindsay put up much of a fight to keep the dressing room, but supposing she did, wouldn’t that have turned into quite the catfight. I would have paid to see Beyonce and Lindsay go at it, and I would have put money on Lindsay to kick the shit out of the Texan. I don’t think it would have taken Lindsay long to ‘tune’ in Jay-Z’s better half if the two happened to get into a catfight.

Yes, it sounds like Lindsay had quite the weekend in Singapore.

Not sure how much the idiot organizers at F1 Rocks paid Lindsay for her gig, but it might have been enough for her to pay the $US12-grand and a bit, she owes Specialty Car Craft for car rentals last May, and the damage she caused to those rentals. If she doesn’t pay up, Dennis DeSantis says he will take Lindsay to court to recover the costs. He’s an idiot too by the way.

In case anybody cares, Lewis Hamilton took the flag for his second win of what has been pretty much, a failure of racing season for him.

Off Topic

The rudest thing a person attending a Broadway play can do in my opinion is to sit in the audience with their cell phone turned on, and then not do anything about it when it starts to ring, and after the stars of the play they are watching stop what their performance so that can answer the call.

That’s exactly what happened the other night during Hugh Jackman and Daniel Craig’s performance in “A Steady Rain”.

I can’t believe the person whose phone was going off, just sat there like a f***ing bump on a log, and did nothing. Whoever that person was, he or she showed just how f***ing arrogant and rude they are, and if I was running that particular theater that person would be banned from the premises permanently.

Talk about being rude, and not giving a shit about others. Somebody should have rammed the f***ing thing down his or her throat. I tell you what, that person is lucky I wasn’t seated beside them, because it wouldn’t have been pretty. Yes, I would have been quite the scene stealer and by the time the curtain fell on my act, one of us would have been leaving the theater on a stretcher, and it wouldn’t have been me. I would have been leaving in handcuffs, but they would have had to tazer me first bro.

The audience would have seen quite a show, more than their money’s worth that’s for sure, and yes I would have gone out of my way to involve the audience in my performance, make no mistake about that. I have zero tolerance for the kind of rudeness that that person displayed. I pay money to see a show; I expect to be able to enjoy the show without rude interruptions, as do most people I believe.

Good on Jackman and Craig for doing what they did, but if it were me in on the stage, I would have jumped into the audience and taken a round of whoever it was that had the ringing phone. Yeah, that’s right; I would have beaten that person over the head with it.

That’s what 007 and Wolverine should have done if you ask me.

Updates

Reps for Pamela Anderson-’she can afford to pay her bills’

The blond Canadian bimbo with the big tits, Pamela Anderson, has somehow managed to talk her people into spreading the word that she isn’t broke, that she has the cash to cover the $US1.2-million in bills she owes. She doesn’t dispute that she owes money to contractors who renovated her Malibu home either.

What is the f***ing problem, how come she hasn’t being paying her bills then, that’s what the paparazzi chasing her should be asking her. Maybe TMZ is on it already, you know, getting ready to ask the former Baywatch beauty and Playboy Playmate the questions most people wouldn’t give a flying f*** about hearing the answers too.

Speaking of bunnies, do you hear about the one that died of a ‘broken heart’? Alice the bunny passed away at Valley Wildlife Care because apparently she couldn’t bear the loss of her Romeo, Gordy the skunk. It’s a tragic love story, and like WHO GIVES A SHIT!

Bunny passes away because she can’t live without her skunk lover, are you f***ing kidding me? Are they like growing and smoking their product at Valley Wildlife Care, or maybe they are raiding the drug cabinet.

Lindsay Lohan, a mostly unemployed party animal these days isn’t quite penniless these days, but that shouldn’t stop her from making smart choices, like accepting an invitation to appear on the UK version of Celebrity Big Brother.

Wow, what a boost to her fledgling career an appearance on that show would be for her.

I think she should go for it, but somehow I get the feeling that Lohan isn’t exactly the type of person who can take it as well as she can dish it out, and therefore is going to tell the producers of the show to you know, “Get f***ing stuffed.”

You never know though, she might do it.  If I were working on the show, I wouldn’t be holding my breath for her to make an appearance though, if only because I don’t think she has thick enough skin to put up with the kind of bullshit that would be shoveled her way.

She would definitely be an easy target for abuse from other housemates, and I really don’t think she could handle it. Again though, you just never know when it comes to Lohan.

If she does accept the offer (and hoping she does), I hope the reality TV show is broadcast internationally so that we can all watch her self-destruct in the confines of a home where the only thing she has control of, is her emotions.

GO ON LINDSAY-TAKE THE GIG. IT WOULD BE THE SMART THING FOR SOMEBODY LIKE YOU WHEN IT COMES TO SALVAGING WHAT IS LEFT OF A FAILING CAREER. YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO.

If I were her agent, this would be a no-brainer, and I would do everything in my power to convince her to take this gig.

Believe it or not, I actually agree with that greasy, gay slime ball over at perezhilton.com, which if it were my call, would be joining Lindsay in the Big Brother House. Wouldn’t that be a hoot?

OFF TOPIC

HAVE PEOPLE FORGOTTEN THAT ROMAN POLANSKI DRUG AND RAPED A 13-YEAR-OLD GIRL? THE KIDDIE DIDDLER (THAT’S WHAT HE WAS BACK IN THE DAY) NEEDS TO DO THE TIME FOR HIS CRIME. TO THOSE OF YOU WHO THINK HE SHOULDN’T BE LOCKED UP, “WHAT THE F*** IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?”

She’s sixteen years old, and from what I can tell from listening to her on the local newscasts here in the Land Down Under, she isn’t the sharpest tool in  the box on  the dry-dock  where repairs were done to her little pink yacht. Don’t let that stop her parents from letting her sail around the world all by her lonesome though.

High school dropout+little pink boat+ ocean= life ending adventure for Jessica Watson if you ask me.

She is now being advised that she isn’t up to sailing  the Pink Lady around the world alone, something about lacking experience, and not to mention my own personal observation, her lack of maturity.

Jessica Watson, a kid that apparently grew up eating, drinking and sleeping sailing, is out of her mind if she thinks she has what it takes to become the youngest person ever to circumvent the globe on the high seas.  You know what, those that know what they are talking about when it comes to sailing the high seas happen to agree with me, evident by the report released by government approved maritime safety inspectors in Queensland.

Judging by that report, Jessica if anything, might be careless and a little too nonchalant at the helm of a yacht, but there is nothing legally anybody can do to keep her from what I think is going turn out to be the last sail of her life.

Yeah, that’s right; I’m saying that her upcoming adventure is going to be her undoing that she is going to die at sea. I have absolutely no faith in this girl’s ability, I mean come on now, she hit a ship when seas were calm and visibility was good. What does that say about her skills, and of course her attention to detail?

She is just another boat wreck waiting to happen and the next one will be her last one I’m afraid.  Like I said, she isn’t going to survive her adventure.

As for her parents, I wonder how large that life insurance policy is they took out on her, and if when their daughter dies on the high seas, the money they get from that policy is going to make up for losing a daughter.

Queensland Maritime Safety concluded after the Pink Lady and the 63-thousand tonne Chinese bulk carrier collided that Jessica fell asleep, failed to turn on a device that would have warned her of a potential collision, and did not or was unable to, produce a clear and plotted plan for her journey from the Gold Coast to Sydney. She did not have a fatigue management plan in place either, nor did she keep a log with what they described as “irregular latitude and longitude entries”.

In other words, they are saying that she doesn’t know how to read her instruments properly.

This sailing adventure is just a bad idea all together, and by the time the final chapter is written in this epic adventure story, Jessica Watson is going to be dead.

Think I’m off the rails with my opinion, then read the article “Jessica Watson’s safety checklist reveals she’s out of  her depth”, and then tell me how much you disagree with me and the maritime experts.

After something like 30 years on the run, the director of film classics “Chinatown” and “Rosemary’s Baby” has been taken into custody by Swiss authorities on an international arrest warrant dating back to 1978, when the 76-year-old was convicted in a California court for having unlawful sex with a drugged up 13-year-old girl in  Jack Nicholson’s home.

Roman Polanski is also the husband of Sharon Tate, a Charles Manson victim.

Knowing that he was going to do some prison time, Polanski fled the United States, and hasn’t been back since.

Polanski’s arrest in  Zurich, where he was about to receive a  lifetime achievement award, has stunned organizers of the Zurich Film Festival and apparently has upset the French, though it is beyond me why anybody in French government would give a flying f*** about a man who drugged a thirteen-year-old and girl and then raped her.

Apparently, and this is just a rumor people, the French Foreign Minister, a clown by the name of Bernard Kouchner has already spoken with his Swiss counterpart to ensure that Mr. Polanski’s rights are fully respected and that “this affair” come to a rapid conclusion.

Here’s what I’m thinking, somebody in the Swiss justice system wanted to make a name for his or herself, and thought, “Hey, why not arrest Roman Polanski when he arrives for the film festival. Nothing like causing an ‘international incident’ to show the boss how good I am at my job, and to get those 15-minutes of fame I have wanted for so long.”

Then again, I could be convinced that  somebody’s 15-minutes of fame wasn‘t the driving force behind his arrest, after all the Americans did request of the Swiss on several previous occasions to arrest the rapist, but really to no avail.

Maybe this is the one time the Swiss wanted to do the US a favour, and score some brownie points of their own.  They have been under a lot of US scrutiny lately, what with the tax haven thing they offer to ‘cashed-up crooks’ from around the world. What is it they US and a few other countries want them to do again, disclose who those people are, isn’t it?

Of course, Switzerland has been reluctant to do that, and they are pissing off various authorities from around the world with their lack of co-operation, so yeah, maybe arresting Polanski now is an attempt to appease at least one country, the US.

Anyway, Polanski is going to be extradited to the US where he will probably have to serve some sort of prison sentence for drugging and raping a 13-year-old girl, as he should.  I’m thinking that the judge who is going to sentence him there, and there will be one  waiting for him make no mistake about it, is going to want to make a few headlines of his own and that ‘your honor’ is going to give him a lengthy sentence, albeit  a suspended one perhaps.

Mischa Barton: She’s unemployed again after Ashton Kutcher’s joke of a project, “A Beautiful Life”, was canceled after just two episodes aired. Having said that, I figure Barton is on the verge of another breakdown and that between now and say Halloween, the messed up chick is going to be making headlines for all the wrong reasons.

I reckon she has at least one big drunk left in her, and shit load of drugs in her purse to help her through the tough times ahead now that she finds herself unemployed and desperate again.

Michael Jackson: As far as I’m concerned, he was a pedophile, and I never liked the creep, but anybody who thinks he lost his will to live is blowing smoke out of his or her ass with such a claim. The King of Pop lived for his children.

The confidante who is making the claim, Rabbi Shmuley Boteach, says that he thinks Jackson was just going through the motions of living right up until the end on June 25. He has the tapes to back up his mouth, but to the best of my knowledge, and there was nothing heard on NBC’s “Today” either, Jackson doesn’t mention anything about not wanting to live anymore in the tapes.

Having said that, RABBI SHMULEY BOTEACH IS FULL OF SHIT.

HOW ABOUT A MACKENZIE PHILLIPS “I F***ED MY DADDY” UPDATE

Get this, her sister Bijou says she knows Mackenzie was having sex with her father because a f***ed up Mackenzie said she was. Hmm, drug addict, f***ed up life, mentally disturbed, and her sister Bijou  hears that.  Bijou has her doubts about her sisters story, but she hasn’t come out and said that she doesn’t believe her.

Apparently, Bijou managed to back her sister’s claim on Oprah with a prepared statement that was read out on the show, or did she really? You know what I think, and regular visitors to Confessions already know this, MACKENZIE IS FULL OF SHIT. SHE IS MAKING IT ALL UP TO BOOST SALES OF HER TELL-ALL BOOK.