2010 January | Confessions of a Canadian Stripper

American Idol Contestant Playing My Life Is A Tragedy Card To Win

Posted January 30th, 2010 by CG

Could missing mother thing be a publicity stunt for this American Idol?

With all due respect to reality TV show contestants whose mother is missing, Confessions is screaming at the top of his lungs that, there is no f***ing way that the story American Idol contestant Angela Martin is telling about her mother going missing is a legit one.

Come on people, Confessions saying it’s a publicity stunt is more credible than the one she this Angela chick is telling, right?

There is hardly a doubt in Confessions’ mind that Angela Martin, Simmons or whatever the f*** her last name is, conspired with her mother to come up with a headline grabbing story big enough to not only draw attention to Martin, Simmons, whatever on American Idol, but corral a huge sympathy vote from viewers too.

Look at how much coverage her life story is getting in the press right now. To get an idea of just how big this story is, Confessions googled, “American Idols missing mother” and came up with 1,470,000 hits.

Viola, as Amanda’s drug-addicted mother is known as, has been missing for four weeks now.

I’m telling you America, this is a publicity stunt–that Angela’s mother isn’t really missing, that she’s hiding out somewhere having a party, perhaps cranking drugs into her arm.

Yep, Angela’s life is one big tragedy and the media is helping her with the hype that will most definitely give her an unfair advantage on Idol, whether she has talent or not.

Let’s see, her father was murdered the first time she made it to Hollywood. She had to drop out of Idol the second time she made it because she had a date in traffic court, she has a daughter with Rett syndrome, AND NOW HER MOTHER, A FORMER DRUG ADDICT, HAS DISAPPEARED. Can’t wait to hear about the other tragedies in her life.

Nope, there is no f***ing way Confession is buying into this girl’s story.

In other American Idol news, a whack job in Florida has been charged with attempted murder after she snapped, grabbed a butcher knife, and plunged the 10-inch blade into her boyfriend for switching off American Idol,

Cynthia Ware is a crazy ass bitch. Let’s see if the boyfriend is smart enough to pack this relationship in. I bet he isn’t though, that he’s just as f***ed up in the head.

I would make an amateur porn video with the MILF in a heartbeat

Horny home wrecker and mother of one love child, Rielle Hunter, is demanding that the sex video her and Democrat John Edwards made while she was pregnant with said love child, be returned to her–like right f***ing now. And here I thought Andrew Young was just yanking your chain America when he said that a sex video existed, that he had actually seen what he described as being graphic. Thinking he might have been the cameraman, in fact, I heard a rumor he was.

Sales of Young’s tell-all book, “The Politician”, are going to go through the roof now that Ms. I F***ed Elizabeth Edward’s Husband While She Was Dying Of Cancer has confirmed that the sex video, as well as some very personal, private and racy photos of her, exist and are in the soon-to-be bestselling author’s possession.

Then of course, there is the publicity for Young’s book she is generating with her affirmation too.

Good for Young and no I don’t think he should have to play nice and return to what could be a bit of a cash cow for him if say a porn distributor showed up on his doorstep, cash in hand.

As far as I’m concerned, the photos and sex video are his to do with as he pleases, if or course such things really do exist.

I bet The National Enquirer has already approached Young and made some enquiries as to how much it is going to cost them to get their tabloid tentacles on the amateur porn material.

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It could be a while before the video and the photos make it into the public domain though, as Ms. Hunter has managed to obtain a temporary restraining order against the disgraced former presidential candidate’s aide and confidante, and unless he can strike a deal with her it doesn’t look like he is going to be able to cash in just yet.

Thinking that sleazy MILF probably had visions of dollar signs dancing in her head when she agreed to make the video in the first place, and that everything she is saying and doing now is all for show, and perhaps an effort to steer people away from assuming that she was in [it] for the money from “record”.

How much does anybody want to bet that, if the price is right, Ms. Hunter is going to cash in?

J.D. Salinger dead at 91

I only ever read one of book by J.D. Salinger and I didn’t have a choice–you know, doing what my English teacher told me I had to do, read a book and write a book report about The Catcher in the Rye. It was on the few books I was forced to read in high school that I enjoyed reading.

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I don’t remember what my mark was (it was like 34 years ago), but who cares right, just as long as I earned at least one of the 27 high school credits I needed to graduate high school. I was in grade nine by the way, and I had a hot looking English teacher. Her name was Miss Haynes, she kind of looked like country singer Crystal Gayle, and she drove a green Camaro.

J.D. Salinger passed away at his home in New Hampshire of natural causes. He was 91 years old.

Tila Tequila loses round one against ex-boyfriend

Maybe she should just cut her wrists instead, you know, bleed herself out–end it before somebody ends it for her. Just a thought.

If ever anybody had reason to doubt that Tila Tequila was just a whack job full of booze, drugs and hot air, let those doubts be erased after she failed to show up in court where her ex-whatever the f*** he is to her these days, Shawne Merriman, is suing her for a cool 2-million dollars. The litigation has something to do with the bullshit she pulled off at his home, way back when she called the cops on him after he tried to do the right thing when it came to, her drunken and obnoxious behavior in his home. She was out to get him after that, telling bullshit stories about what went down that night to anybody who would listen to her, and of course on her website, and now the San Diego Charger wants to make her pay. I can’t say as I blame him.

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Tila Tequila is a mentally unstable woman, a woman whose friends when asked about her behavior are likely going to blame her daily alcohol and drug abuse as the major factor in her ever quickening psychological deterioration. They wouldn’t be far off the mark with that assumption. There is little doubt in Confessions mind that alcohol and drugs are fried Tila’s brain. Remember that TV ad–the one with the egg in the frying pan?

Anyway, she has lost the first round in what TMZ is calling a “ferocious legal battle”, and she has nobody to blame but herself. Tila, she who doeth think she is holier than everybody, snubbed her nose at the legal proceedings and failed to show up in court. For her arrogance and stupidity, the court has entered a default judgement against her, meaning the bitch loses. Unless she moves to have the default set aside and fights it out in court, she is into her ex-boyfriend, the guy she told horrifying and and defaming stories about, for a couple of million dollars–not that the NFL star needs the money.

Confessions is thinking that Tila doesn’t have the guts, never mind the brains to wage a half-decent defence against the lawsuit, so she is probably going to have to find a way to settle this thing out of court, not that Confession thinks the plaintiff would be interested in any out of court settlement to begin with. If Confessions was in Shawne Merriman’s shoes, he’d go out of his way to put the bitch through the ringer, and he would definitely not want to miss out in exposing Tila for what she is, a mentally deranged woman who if it wasn’t for somebody exploiting her mental instability, would have never, ever become a reality TV show to begin with.

That by the way is the only reason she is famous today. Her mental instability has been good to her, but she’s burning out, and if she doesn’t kill herself first, she’s going to end up in the nut house because of [it] now.

Pick Me, Pick Me, I’m Worthy Enough, Really I Am–Like Get F***ing Real Perez!!!

I just picked myself up off the floor after FALLING ON MY ASS. I fell off my chair when I heard that you, ya Cuban freakazoid, think that you should be picked to replace Simon Cowell when he books it after this season of American Idol. You’re a f***ing joke mate, or as you are known as her in The Land Down Under–a f***in’ Tosser.

Like give your f***ing head a shake ya knob! That stunt you pulled in your last judging gig, you know the one Confessions is referring to, the one were you had your own agenda and then when you didn’t get the response you wanted, you unleashed on Miss California calling her a dumb bitch, blah, blah, and blah. Oh yeah, you should be a judge on American Idol. Gee, ya think you would get away with that kind of shit on Idol if the response you got from one of the contestants didn’t live up to your expectations of the kind of response you would be expecting, you sad sack of shit?

No way man, there is no f***ing way Randy Jackson and Ellen DeGeneres could stomach having you sitting beside them, what with you lack of oral hygiene, and who knows what diseases you are walking around with.

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You’re an idiot if you think you’re going to get a call from the producers of Idol asking you to be a judge, SO SHUT THE F*** UP ABOUT IT ALREADY. You know about as much about what it takes to make a pop star as you do about making blockbuster movies.

What was it you were saying about Avatar, after the first weekend of its release, something about it being a waste of money–that it wasn’t money well spent and that it wouldn’t amount to much at the box office. Hmm, ya think ya might have been a little wrong about that, and that you might want to admit how wrong you were. What’s it raked in at the box office again–just over 2-billion, right Perez?

If you can’t remember what you said about the flick, here’s a reminder of what you said in your blog, asshole:

There’s $500 million dollars shot to hell!

The most expensive movie ever made has FAILED at the box office.

To be fair, for any other flick, it would have been a rather impressive opening. But considering the $$$ and time put into this thing, we expected a lot more.

James Cameron’s Avatar raked in a mere $73 million dollars in it’s opening weekend here in the states. (It did a little better worldwide- $232.2 million.)

To put that into perspective for you – New Moon earned $72.7 million dollars in it’s FIRST DAY of release, pulling in $125 million domestically over it’s opening weekend.

Then again, it didn’t have a blizzard on the East Coast to compete with. (Although, we gather there isn’t much that would keep a Twi-hard from seeing their fave vamp and werewolf!)

Here’s hoping they’ll bring in some much needed funds throughout the week!

Did any of U see the flick?

Confessions of a Canadian Stripper