Wannabe Academy Award Winners Named | Confessions of a Canadian Stripper

And The Oscar Goes Too…Like Confessions Really Gives A F***

Oscar Winner Wannabes Named

So, who is going to take home that doorstopper, bookend or whatever Oscar winners use that gold statue for?

You know what it costs for my blended family of four to go and sit in a crowded movie theater for a couple of hours these days, more than 60-f***ing dollars that’s how much it cost. And to add insult to injury to the family “entertainment budget”, 7 times out 10 visits to the cinema, the movies we pay big bucks to watch are shit.

Sixty bucks, that’s what, the cost to rent a dozen movies from Blockbuster, maybe?

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Oh sure, we can take advantage of cheap Tuesday, you know take the kids out of school for the day and cut the cost of going to the movie theater in half, but their education is more important than a 90-minute movie. Then of course there is the other 4 and a half hours of the day to fill, when as a parent your sanity is tested by the very kids you went out of your way to please by letting them skip school for the day so they can see a movie, they have been begging you to take them too since they first saw the trailers for it.

Take them to a movie and then for the rest of the day listen to them fight and bicker amongst one another, complain about how bored they are, and how they have nothing to do. Yeah, like I want to deal with that kind of shit on a school day. Nope, saving that thirty dollars at the cinema isn’t high on my list of priorities, and neither is catching all the latest movie releases at the local cinema. Waiting for them to come out on DVD isn’t such a bad idea.

It’s a hell of a lot cheaper and we don’t have to put up with the antics of misbehaving kids, the coughing, the talking and the kicking the back of our seats thing, where I will admit on one or two occasions I wanted to turn around and throttle the person kicking the back of my seat.

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Anyway, the Oscar nominations have been announced, and while I haven’t seen one of the movies in line for the prestigious award, I am going to go out on a limb here and make my predictions about who and what is going to win what, and why. It will be interesting to see how I fare after that awards show raps up in

At first glance, I didn’t want to do it, but I thought to myself like, WTF man, I only have too name and choose the winner in 24 categories right, so yeah why not include a little something about the Academy Awards in Confessions of a Canadian Stripper today. There’s no f***ing way I’m going to give toner to all 24 categories though. I’ll cover the ones that really count though.

Nominees and who is going to win:

Best Picture: Avatar, The Blind Side, District 9, An Education, The Hurt Lick, OOPS!–Locker, Inglorious Basterds, Precious, A Serious Man, Up, Up in the Air. While I haven’t seen any of these nominated films, I have heard a lot of hype about a few of them, especially James Cameron’s Avatar. It’s a toss up. Hurt Locker or Precious–that’s who I’m picking.

Actor in a Leading Role: George Clooney, Jeff Bridges, Colin Firth, Morgan Freeman, Jeremy Renner. The Oscar is going to go tooooo…Jeff Bridges, because he deserves one after all these years of not amounting to too much on film.

Actor in a Supporting Role: Matt Damon. Woody Harrelson, Christopher Plummer, Stanley Tucci, and Christoph Waltz. I like Stanley for this one.

Actress in a Leading Role: Sandra Bullock, Helen Mirren, Carey Mulligan, Gabourey Sidibe and Meryl Streep. I’m thinking that it is going to be between Bullock and that fat kid in Precious, Gabourey.

Actress in a Supporting Role: Penelopé Cruz, Vera Farminga, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Anna Kendrick. I don’t know but i wouldn’t be surprised if another obese actress won here. Yeah Mo’Nique might take home this Oscar, but I’m pulling for Pené, if you know what I mean (snicker, snicker put my dick in ‘er).

Animated Feature Film: Caroline, Fantastic Mr. Fox, The Princess and the Frog, The Secret of Kells, and Up. I think this is kind of no-brainer. Up is going to win this one.

That’s it, that’s all. Confessions doesn’t give a flying f*** about the rest of the nominees, but if you do, you can see the list of nominees here

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