Maybe it’s time for Silent Bob to put as much effort into losing weight as he does into making films and gorging himself with fast food
Gee, the way people are carrying on over film producer Kevin Smith being booted of an airplane because he was too fat to sit in a seat and travel safely is so f***ing over the top. Maybe that embarrassing incident is just enough to convince the filmmaker to actually get off his fat f***ing ass and actually put a little more effort into losing a few hundred pounds.
Like WTF man, so the director of cult classics like Chasing Amy, Dogma and Clerks got kicked off a Southwest Airline flight because he was too f***ing fat for the seat. I don’t feel bad for him.
Too f***ing bad for Smith, and who cares if he is going to always be known in Hollywood as the “fat guy that got kicked off a plane.”
But to what I mentioned a moment ago, does anybody think he might have been humiliated enough into doing something about his weight now? Probably not huh, what with super-sized fast-food tasting so f***ing good when you just don’t have time to cook up a healthy meal for yourself at least a couple of times per week. Then of course, there’s the convenience of fast food for those days you have to make time to go to the gym, the latter something I don’t think Smith does by the way.
I don’t have one ounce or gram, never mind pound or kilogram of sympathy for Smith, or any other fat person who is booted off a plane because they can’t fit into a seat properly.
Nor do I feel sorry for the Rosie O’Donnells of the world who might have to pay for two seats when they fly, something by the way Smith does without any qualms, but didn’t this time around.
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I’m really sick and tired of people, who are as wide as they are tall, whining, bitching and complaining about all the bullshit that they have to put up with because people, companies, airlines and service providers are sick and tired of being responsible for their fat asses. Looking after fat people, making life comfortably for them isn’t cheap either, but people do try to help them out, which is a good thing.
Let me do my part to help out by giving fat people by motivating them with some friendly advice, “GET UP OFF YOUR FAT F***ING ASSES AND DO SOMETHING GOOD FOR YOUR HEALTH. PUT MORE OF AN EFFORT INTO LOSING THE F***ING KILLER WEIGHT. Enough with the f***ing excuses and passing the buck. Just f***ing do it already.”
Confessions’ rant against fat people out of the way, how much does anybody want to bet that the wheels in Smith are turning, that he is working on an idea to exploit his super-sized embarrassment at the hands of Southwest Airlines, in a film, perhaps a comedy.
Oh yeah, the airline has apologized to the fat f*** for embarrassing him.
Shout out to Kevin Smith–“Jenny Craig addresses the three key areas critical to effective weight loss: food, body and mind.” Do yourself a favor, look into it mate.
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Oscar Winner Wannabes Named
So, who is going to take home that doorstopper, bookend or whatever Oscar winners use that gold statue for?
You know what it costs for my blended family of four to go and sit in a crowded movie theater for a couple of hours these days, more than 60-f***ing dollars that’s how much it cost. And to add insult to injury to the family “entertainment budget”, 7 times out 10 visits to the cinema, the movies we pay big bucks to watch are shit.
Sixty bucks, that’s what, the cost to rent a dozen movies from Blockbuster, maybe?
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Oh sure, we can take advantage of cheap Tuesday, you know take the kids out of school for the day and cut the cost of going to the movie theater in half, but their education is more important than a 90-minute movie. Then of course there is the other 4 and a half hours of the day to fill, when as a parent your sanity is tested by the very kids you went out of your way to please by letting them skip school for the day so they can see a movie, they have been begging you to take them too since they first saw the trailers for it.
Take them to a movie and then for the rest of the day listen to them fight and bicker amongst one another, complain about how bored they are, and how they have nothing to do. Yeah, like I want to deal with that kind of shit on a school day. Nope, saving that thirty dollars at the cinema isn’t high on my list of priorities, and neither is catching all the latest movie releases at the local cinema. Waiting for them to come out on DVD isn’t such a bad idea.
It’s a hell of a lot cheaper and we don’t have to put up with the antics of misbehaving kids, the coughing, the talking and the kicking the back of our seats thing, where I will admit on one or two occasions I wanted to turn around and throttle the person kicking the back of my seat.
Anyway, the Oscar nominations have been announced, and while I haven’t seen one of the movies in line for the prestigious award, I am going to go out on a limb here and make my predictions about who and what is going to win what, and why. It will be interesting to see how I fare after that awards show raps up in
At first glance, I didn’t want to do it, but I thought to myself like, WTF man, I only have too name and choose the winner in 24 categories right, so yeah why not include a little something about the Academy Awards in Confessions of a Canadian Stripper today. There’s no f***ing way I’m going to give toner to all 24 categories though. I’ll cover the ones that really count though.
Nominees and who is going to win:
Best Picture: Avatar, The Blind Side, District 9, An Education, The Hurt Lick, OOPS!–Locker, Inglorious Basterds, Precious, A Serious Man, Up, Up in the Air. While I haven’t seen any of these nominated films, I have heard a lot of hype about a few of them, especially James Cameron’s Avatar. It’s a toss up. Hurt Locker or Precious–that’s who I’m picking.
Actor in a Leading Role: George Clooney, Jeff Bridges, Colin Firth, Morgan Freeman, Jeremy Renner. The Oscar is going to go tooooo…Jeff Bridges, because he deserves one after all these years of not amounting to too much on film.
Actor in a Supporting Role: Matt Damon. Woody Harrelson, Christopher Plummer, Stanley Tucci, and Christoph Waltz. I like Stanley for this one.
Actress in a Leading Role: Sandra Bullock, Helen Mirren, Carey Mulligan, Gabourey Sidibe and Meryl Streep. I’m thinking that it is going to be between Bullock and that fat kid in Precious, Gabourey.
Actress in a Supporting Role: Penelopé Cruz, Vera Farminga, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Anna Kendrick. I don’t know but i wouldn’t be surprised if another obese actress won here. Yeah Mo’Nique might take home this Oscar, but I’m pulling for Pené, if you know what I mean (snicker, snicker put my dick in ‘er).
Animated Feature Film: Caroline, Fantastic Mr. Fox, The Princess and the Frog, The Secret of Kells, and Up. I think this is kind of no-brainer. Up is going to win this one.
That’s it, that’s all. Confessions doesn’t give a flying f*** about the rest of the nominees, but if you do, you can see the list of nominees here
