Confessions of a Canadian Stripper

Lock the F**ker Up and Throw Away the Key

CG — Fri, 03 Sep 2010 03:14:47 +0000

Rapper TI has been busted again.

I guess Clifford Harris just isn’t getting the message, that last stint in jail on federal weapons charges doing nothing to convince the dumbf**k to change his ways.

TI has been charged with felony possession of a controlled substance (Ecstasy) after LA cops pulled him over for making an illegal U-turn. They also smelled marijuana in his luxury ride.

TI by the way has only been out of jail for 9 months. Confessions reckons he’s another DMX.

Demi Moore Toy Boy-I didn’t f**k around on her!

CG — Fri, 03 Sep 2010 03:05:28 +0000

‘I am not cheating on my wife’-so says Ashton Kutcher

I do not why he would, but Kutcher is a f**king fool if he did cheat on her. F**k man, she’s one hot looking cougar.

Star magazine is reporting that somebody saw Ashton Kutcher getting a little hot and heavy with a blonde in a Los Angeles restaurant, but WHERE ARE THE F**KIN’ PICS? Think about it, at the very least almost everybody carries a cellphone these days, and yeah, cellphones do come with a camera, so therefore if the rumor was true, there would be photos to back that up, right.

I’m thinking that whoever says they saw Kutcher sucking face with somebody other than his wife, that person if he or she is living in the present, would have been carrying a cellphone that yeah, could take pictures.

Kutcher, as is the norm when it comes to what rag mags say about celebs, is threatening to sue–something about calling him a ‘cheater’ defamation of his character. Good f**king luck with that, Kutch.

You’re a F**king Dinosaur Joan Rivers, Get Over It

CG — Wed, 01 Sep 2010 01:00:27 +0000

Joan Rivers makes me ‘wanna’ puke. What a f**king nauseating celebrity she turned out to be after Johnny Carson gave her a shot at the ‘big time’.

The foul-mouthed old bag who thinks her shit doesn’t stink, has told producers of Dancing With The Stars (DWTS) to go ‘f**k themselves’, after they ignored her request to be a contestant on the show.

Apparently she needs the exercise.

The woman is a f**king dinosaur and she is ain’t no Betty White.

The former gold-digger certainly hasn’t aged gracefully. That’s for f**king sure. That said–with any luck at all, the next time Joan Rivers goes under the knife for another face altering procedure, the surgeon might accidentally cut her tongue out and you know, do Hollywood a favour.

She has got to be the most annoying, foul-mouthed, fossilized c**t travelling in celebrity circles in Hollywood as far as Confessions is concerned.

Wondering how the foul-mouthed comedienne feels about Bristol Palin appearing on DWTS.

DWTS goes to air on September 20th.

Fantasia Traps Her Man

CG — Tue, 31 Aug 2010 04:03:55 +0000

Antwaun Cook, you’re gonna pay now, mate.

That’s the first thing I would say to him face-to-face after the National Enquirer reported that American Idol winner, Fantasia (I Wanna Die) Barrino, was carrying his child.

Impending divorce + Fantasia= what a f**king fool you are Antwaun.

How much is the cheatin’ T-mobile salesman worth anyway, enough to put Fantasia on Easy Street after he settles his divorce with his soon-to-be ex Paula?

I can’t imagine there would be much of his money left for her to spend, especially after taking child support for three children into consideration.

Supposing Fantasia is a gold-digger, ya reckon she might have picked the wrong fella to mine.

A Barrino family friend has apparently told NE that Fantasia is about three months pregnant. So that would mean what, that the psychologically and emotionally unbalanced singer tried to kill herself, while she was pregnant? Jesus, supposing she is ‘really’ pregnant and that she knew about it when she popped all those aspirin to end it all. What does that say about her?

Confessions thinks a ‘good mother’ she will make, not a stable one anyway, and with that said maybe she should abort, or if that goes against her morals and values ( not that she has any–that f**king another woman’s husband coming to my mind), maybe she should put the child up for adoption after she calves it out.

That said, this Confessions blogger thinks that Fantasia wanted to get pregnant to trap Antwuan Cook into marrying her. It’s not like she’s above doing anything like that, right.

What F**king Planet Does Paris Hilton Live On

CG — Mon, 30 Aug 2010 02:16:08 +0000

Jailbird Paris Hilton is making blonde girls around the world look a lot smarter than joke tellers give them credit for.

She seriously doesn’t believe that anybody is going to believe her story that, the cocaine she was busted for having in her possession in Sin City last Friday night wasn’t hers because she was carrying it in a purse she says she borrowed from a friend.

HEY PARIS, listen up you silly bitch, umm there’s a problem with the story you’re telling. If you borrowed the purse from a friend as you claim, would that purse not have been empty when you put your belongings in it?

Also, the cocaine that fell out of the purse when you reached into it for your lipstick…

Like seriously ya dumb bitch, you would have seen it when you put your belongings in that borrowed purse, unless of course hit was hidden behind the lining of that ‘borrowed purse’ or in stashed in a secret compartment, either of those scenarios leading Confessions to believe that when you reached into ‘that borrowed purse’ for your lipstick, it wouldn’t have fallen to the ground in front of the cop that busted you. It would have been securely placed and out of sight.

What Paris should have said was, “That’s not mine. Somebody must have put it there. Somebody is trying to set me up because of who I am.” That sounds more believable don’t you think?

Hey, what do you reckon that a sales clerk in one of those posh stores Paris shops at comes forward and says, “I remember selling that purse to Paris. She’s lying about having borrowed it from a friend.’

She might not to go jail for this, but at the end of the day Confessions believes she’s a ‘heat score’ that nobody is going to want to touch when it comes picking and choosing socialites parading around as celebrities to sprain there fashions, services and products, not to mention film and television roles.

Not that she has been their go-to ‘It’ girl to begin with.

The purse the cocaine fell out of wasn’t hers my ass. She was busted at 1130PM during a night of partying. She either knew the coke was there because it was hers or belonged to her boyfriend, or, maybe she was delivering it to a friend–you know–she’s a drug mule maybe.

Read something somewhere about her concealing cocaine in her vagina while travelling.

Of course, the possibility still remains that somebody planted the drugs on her; after all she has made a lot of enemies.

Having said that, was Lady Gaga in Las Vegas last Friday night?